October is Augmentative Alternative (AAC) Awareness month. It is also the month annually that I have to resubscribe to the website building program I use to write and host this blog. The overlap strikes me as appropriate. My blog has slowly migrated into a site that focuses on Nathaniel and his need for communication; it is meaningful that I yearly recommit to sharing that journey during AAC awareness month.

I know it has been a long time since I posted on the blog when I can not remember my log in password. I have many topics for blog posts floating around in my head; I haven't made writing a priority this last month.

I am going to ease back into blogging. Nathaniel and I participated in a week long challenge to share photos that represent the hash tag #seemeseemyaac. The goal of the Facebook campaign was to bring awareness of alternative and augmented communication. People participated from all over the world. Pretty cool. Here are our photos and the snippets of information I shared with each photo about our AAC efforts.

I shared on my personal Facebook wall that we received our first rejection notice from a private Christian school for Nathaniel’s enrollment next fall. Someone commented, “I get how the school could make that determination. If they don't have a special education program with self-contained classrooms, then Nathaniel would have to be placed in a regular classroom. His medical needs and communication would most likely create classroom management issues.” The school’s reason "Our methodologies do not allow for a child to have a disability in the area of communication,” was the first hard blow of the day. The comment was a second and harder blow.

I knew as I walked out of the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit in November that Nathaniel would recover from the acute illness requiring swift intervention. His body was already responding to the IV fluids. However, I also knew that my heart will never recover. There is no ointment or medicine or surgery that can fix how it breaks when I have to pin Nathaniel’s little body to an emergency room gurney and hear him plead with his voiceless screams and beg with his searching eyes for the procedures to stop.

December has been a whirlwind of fun for our family.  Rich spent hours in the garage making three maple saddle stands as a Christmas present for Andrew; Nathaniel and I spent those same hours in the kitchen making yummy food for everyone. We were able to see all our children over the Christmas holiday and made some great memories. I love this photo of Nathaniel's first experience ice skating! Unfortunately Nathaniel is currently in the hospital with a virus. Rich is with him this morning to give me time to rest. I have enjoyed the quiet moments to reflect on my writing and reread some of this year's blog posts. Here are the top five most frequently read 2016 blog posts:

My granddaughter can roll over. She did it the first time when her Nana, my son-in-law's mother, was taking care of her. My daughter called me to share the information excitedly later that day, "Blaise can roll over! Well... nobody actually saw her do it, but Jan laid her down on her back and went to heat her bottle, and Blaise was on her stomach when Jan came back."

I am jealous. Not because the other grandmother witnessed this milestone. Rather, my emotion stems from the contrast I sense in adults' reactions to Blaise and Nathaniel learning new skills.  It only took one time of rolling over for all the adults in Blaise's life, me included, to consider the skill achieved. Blaise CAN roll over. There is an unspoken assumption there - she did it once and we fully expect she will keep doing it. She CAN roll over. It means thinking twice about leaving her on the couch or bed. It means keep dangerous things further away. Once was all it took. 

It was during the second session of developmental language group that I realized another layer of complexity because of Nathaniel's inability to produce any audible noise with this vocal cords.

He can not scream to protect himself from others or get help.

I attended your ambulance district board meeting last night. I have visited other local government meetings, but always to help a son with a Boy Scout achievement. Last night was the first time that I participated in something of this nature due to personal interest. On a Tuesday in April, I loaded Nathaniel and his equipment into the van and took him with me to vote. It was a lot of work. But many of the paramedics that work for our district urged local registered voters to show up at the polls. They made recommendations on the election options. I went to your meeting last night to see the outcome of my vote in practice.

I did something Monday that I have only done once since July 30, 2013. I drove alone with Nathaniel in the van. We went to the park and took a walk. We stopped by Barnes and Noble. We were away from the house for almost two hours.

It felt so good to be out together. Alone. Together.