We were lying side by side on the floor in the empty bedroom when Rich whispered, “I want to submit our home study for the baby.”

I had thirty minutes to waste at Barnes and Noble last weekend and walked out with John Eldredge's Fathered by God: Learning What Your Dad Could Never Teach You. I didn't intend to by a book on manhood, or even intend to buy a book at all. But when I thumbed through Elderidge's book, a chapter title caught my attention: Cowboy.

Three weeks from today we'll take our fifth child to college for his freshman year. We've done this before; all summer I've falsely believed that fact would make this new transition easier. But as I shared coffee with my son this morning and started making the packing list, I felt the familial tug on my heart.  And an occasional lump in my throat. He's leaving. Very soon.

My heart has been wrestling. 

I was visiting with a friend last night whose oldest child is in middle school.  There are six children in her home, the youngest in kindergarten.  My friend mentioned she was creating a spreadsheet for summer weeks - so she can keep track of everyone's busy schedules.

He was standing in the driveway Sunday afternoon, ready to leave.  I was running back and forth to the house, grabbing last minute things to add to his duffel.