The staff at Ranken Jordan determined a second goal prior to discharge was for Nathaniel's trachea to be evaluated and stabilized. Nathaniel had been scheduled for a bronchoscopy in July prior to placement with us, but the test was canceled due to a fever. It was rescheduled for the first week of August, which ended up being our third day at Ranken Jordan. At 5 p.m. the night before his Children's Division case manager canceled the test because there was no court order on file for him to receive general anesthesia. The test was rescheduled again.

It will be very hard to put into a few words what Nathaniel's eighteen day stay at Ranken Jordan Pediatric Bridge Hospital meant to our family. The hospital specializes in moving medically complex children from acute care hospitalizations to home - a bridge.

I had known since 8:30 that they were coming at 11 o'clock, but when they walked in the door dressed in blue and pushing an ambulance gurney, I stated to sob uncontrollably.

We had been at the hospital for forty-eight hours when a nurse stopped me in the hall. "Kim," he said, "Can I talk to you?" I was returning from the vending machine having taken a moment away from the crib side. One of my first moments away.

I immediately assumed the worse. "No, the baby is fine," he said. "I'm the charge nurse on the floor tonight and I wanted to share an idea with you."

The ambulance man in the white shirt asked me to promise one thing as we entered the emergency room garage - that I not take the baby home again until the nursing agency found a new night nurse. I promised. Then back doors opened and hospital fluorescent flooded what had become a calm space.