"Excuse Me, Daddy."
There are few things that annoy a parent more than a child constantly interrupting.
We've all experienced it. We're in the middle of a conversation with another adult and our child seems to need us every minute and a half. From the parent's perspective, even the most polite and necessary requests can get annoying. From the child's perspective, the need is real and urgent. Both parent and child want something.
James 4 tells us that quarrels and fights start because we want something and do not get it. If we are to tackle the problems that repeatedly occur in our homes, we have to find a way our children can respectfully signal they need attention.
Around the birth of our fifth child we learned about the interrupt rule. We instructed our children that if they needed us when we were speaking to someone else, adult or child, in person or on the phone, they were to quietly place a hand on our shoulder. In the event we were standing, the child could do the same to our forearm. By maintaining their contact, we would understand they had a need. We taught them not to speak, but rather wait patiently until a natural break in our conversation allowed us to politely excuse ourselves and address their need.
If I was delayed in getting to them, I would often place my hand on top of theirs as a silent signal that I understood they needed me and was going to be with them as soon as possible.
We did not tolerate continual tapping, squeezing, of persistent vocal calls for help. Children who resorted to these tactics where not given our attention to their concern, but rather instruction on the proper use of the interrupt rule and encouragement to try again in a few minutes. The interrupt rule encourages self-control and respect of others.
There are a few times when an interruption is to address an emergency. In our home, blood, fire or someone headed into either constituted an emergency. A younger sibling taking a toy was not an emergency! We discovered that with instruction and consistent use of the interrupt rule, the rare emergency moments were communicated clearly and respectfully as well.
The interrupt rule works great between mom and dad too. Rich and I have placed a hand on the other's forearm at small group bible studies, church socials, or when one of us is reading to the children. It is a polite way to signal the engaged parent's attention is needed as soon as possible.
By anticipating we will need to be interrupted at times and having a plan to handle such respectfully, frustration can be reduced for everyone.
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Want to take a stab at which of my blog posts is the most popular?
Most of my readers would probably guess it to be a post about Nathaniel. His airway emergency in May had over a thousand views within ten hours. Posts about his hospital stay later that same month were equally visited. The post introducing him on adoption day had seven hundred views the first week.
But the most frequented page on my blog is not about Nathaniel. It is... drum roll....
I have enjoyed watching Nathaniel adapt to having his right hand in a cast. He is very creative. Like in the way he decided to look at a book today. He carried his Daniel Tiger book around all day and refused to go outside unless I let him take it along. I am not sure about that cast pillow, but he seemed comfortable and happy in moment. Pretty happy playing with big brother in "bean dirt" earlier this week too.
There were three places I wanted to be on Saturday night: my sister-in-law's surprise fortieth birthday party in Wisconsin, our church's annual fundraiser to support outreach to the marginalized in St. Louis City, and an Eagle Scout ceremony for a young man Rich has encouraged for years.
Instead I spent Saturday evening standing outside a chicken coop with Nathaniel.
I write so much about Nathaniel's communication needs, that I have not put into writing the other areas of development that we are addressing in therapy. There are many. Nathaniel continues to have a global developmental delay and some significant sensory processing needs. He has consistently received Occupational Therapy and Physical Therapy in addition to his twice weekly Speech Therapy. We had a long day of appointments at St. Louis Children's earlier this month and the collective decision was to start some new weekly therapy there to address some of the sensory needs. We go tomorrow for our first visit, which increases OT to twice a week now. We are putting PT on hold for a time to allow for the extra focus on OT.
This weekend marks five years that Rich's father has lived with us. We considered waiting to adopt until our season of assisting Grandpa was over. Caring for an aging parent in your home is a unique challenge that only those in the trenches can fully understand. Accepting additional responsibility through adoption seemed... let's be honest... risky? Or extreme? Or radical? At the very least - hard. One of my struggles while taking the foster and adoption classes was the long mental list of the sacrifices I've already made for the sake of elderly care. "Surely God, you don't expect me to take in a child when I'm already giving so much?"
A mom steps timidly forward.
A protective older brother watches cautiously.
A baby looks for reassurance.
A mom stands courageously to the side.
And the photographer positions the moment I met my son in a larger story:
his foster family loved him well.
We met Nathaniel on July 3, 2013.
Nathaniel Steven Rankin
It seems we've always had to cope with our children being away from home on Christmas.
Rich spotted it first. An empty bird's nest nestled in the branches. We paused. Admired. Took a photo. Considered the tree. But moved on, leaving the nest for whoever claimed the tree.
I went to court for the first time in my life yesterday. And it about did me in.
We were lying side by side on the floor in the empty bedroom when Rich whispered, “I want to submit our home study for the baby.”
She couldn't concentrate on the work and smile for the camera at the same time. Sunday night pretzels. An Uncle Rich tradition for 20 years and tonight Ellie was assigned the responsibility of helping to make dinner for everyone attending the family reunion.
In route to Arkansas last weekend to visit our daughter and her husband, one particular turn along highway 67 south caught my attention. I saw the first sign at least a half mile from the curve: large yellow rectangles on both sides of the road warning a sharp left bend. CAUTION. Blinking lights. Danger Ahead.
At our house the "Oh-my-goodness-it's-summer" turns into boredom in about 48 hours. Without a schedule and some resemblance of a routine, my children quickly resort to game systems to fill their days.
We are starting our fifth year caring for my husband’s father in our home. It has been a very rewarding experience that has enriched our lives tremendously. The last four years haven’t been conflict free though, and I’ve learned a lot through the process of sharing my home with an in-law. Perhaps these three lessons will encourage other families in a similar living arrangement.
The Facebook message from my friend, Beth, caught me off guard.
I had thirty minutes to waste at Barnes and Noble last weekend and walked out with John Eldredge's Fathered by God: Learning What Your Dad Could Never Teach You. I didn't intend to by a book on manhood, or even intend to buy a book at all. But when I thumbed through Elderidge's book, a chapter title caught my attention: Cowboy.
I have a box of Christmas things marked "OPEN BEFORE THANKSGIVING." It contains the items we need to celebrate Advent: our wreath and candles, booklets of Advent readings from previous years, our Christmas music CD's, homemade nativity scenes, and three of our favorite family read-alouds for the Advent season
We had the opportunity this fall to visit the Menominee Indian Reservation in Wisconsin with a group of volunteers. We spent a Saturday cutting firewood for the tribe's senior citizens. As our group processed what it meant to be invited onto the reservation, we were challenged to think of ourselves as bridge builders from one culture group to another, and then further challenged to think of tangible things we could do to build bridges.
I had a few extra minutes before making Grandpa's breakfast this morning, and picked up Vicki Spandel's The 9 Rights of Every Writer. I wanted to review some of Spandel's insights on teaching. She is good. She got me by the end of chapter one - student writers have the right to be reflective.
f you're like this homeschool mom, you're wondering just how summer slipped by so quickly. I really need to crack down the next couple weeks and to get ready for the new year.
First thing to do every school year is compile a list of subjects and texts for each student. I have used the Course of Study form on Donna Young's website for years. (Thanks Donna for the amazing resources you offer free!) Compiling this document gives me a chance to do a last minute check on everyone's books and supplies, and also makes a great first page for the Missouri required portfolio of student work.
Recently one of our older children text late at night and asked if I had time to answer five very specific questions. I did. He called, and I answered the questions quickly. And then I asked, “Are you doing some kind of writing?” Having been his home school teacher, I recognized research mode. He shared that he was writing about what the resurrection of Jesus Christ means to him. The questions were focused on Nathaniel, and I curiously asked if he would share his work with me. And then I asked permission to share it with the world.